Sleeping in Light: A mother's love
by Coyote Laughs
Summary: And all she could was try.  She was trying to raise the best son that she could while being a single mom.  She was trying to be the best mom that she could be, the mom that her mom was never to her.


**Disclaimer: I do not claim to own iCarly, or the song Nightingale's Lullaby.**

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**Sleeping in Light: A mother's love.**

Apartment 8D was deathly quiet. Silence shrouded the apartment like a morning fog on Puget Sound. The faint scent of vanilla candles wafted through out the apartment, while the dim lights of the Seattle night scene ghosted around.

Marissa Benson walked lightly through her apartment, the one that she had spent the last twelve years with her beloved son. Running long fingers along walls and shelves, she looked for the unrelenting dirt that she knew was not there. Dirt and chaos was the enemy, the enemy that her son had to be protected from. She was trying her best, but ticks and fleas and sharp edges and the clouds were unrelenting.

And all she could was try. She was trying to be the best mom that she could be, the mom that her mom was never to her.

And now, she would never know if all her hard work would turn out for the best. If her baby boy would turn into the man that she always knew that he could be.

She stood in the middle of the living room, looking around, trying to soak up the closeness that she was feeling with her precious baby boy. The DVDs out of alphabetical order, the remotes all askewed, the glass not on a coaster. She would have to fix all of that, but not right now. There would be time enough for that later.

She crumpled to her knees on the floor. _Why?_ She asked herself. _Why did it have to happen?_ A plaintive sob escaped from her, the heartbreaking sob of a parent losing their child. _I was good, I went to church every Sunday, I provided for my child, I loved him so much. _She wailed to herself, not wanting to break the brooding silence. _Why can I not see him get married?_

She walked down the dark hallway. A cold shiver ran through her as her stopped bare inches from the doorknob. She sighed deeply and steeled herself mentally. She knew she had to do this. The door swung silently open revealing the contents of her son's room.

Her eyes widened as she saw two figures entwined on her son's bed. The figures on the bed both shivered involuntarily as the chill that pervaded the house slowly crept its way into the room. Her son, the brown haired self proclaimed tech geek, was being held closely by the demon. A look of utter protectiveness looked out of place on her face, which was framed by her unruly golden blonde hair. She quietly padded over to the bed and watched them both sleep. A look of pain and anguish suddenly flashed across Freddie's face. She saw the blonde unconsciously hold onto him tighter, trying to protect him from the pain, the grief. She wanted to do nothing but walk over and comfort him, but she didn't want to intrude on such an intimate moment between the two.

She averted her eyes from the two, and glanced around the room. Computers, cameras, and Galaxy Wars memorabilia were strewn about. Her eyes caught onto a picture of a very young her and a baby bundled up in her arms. And then an old lullaby, one she sang for him all the time, came unbidden to her lips.

_A nightingale's lullaby bends in the wind  
Messing your hair, drinks the tears from your pillow  
So sleep now, sweet dreams, my love_

_I may be older but I am not wise  
I'm still a child's grown up disguise  
and I never can tell you what you want to know  
You will find out as you go. _

As the final words left her lips, she fell to the floor with a sob.

"Mom!" she heard shouted out. She could only watch as her son shot straight up in his bed while tears flowed freely down his face. "Mom..." he whimpered.

She watched as the blonde gathered her son into her arms, crooning soft words of comfort into his ear while gently stroking his unruly hair at the same time. "Shhhh, Freddie. I'm here Freddie, I'm right here," the blonde whispered softly. Marissa watched as sad tears dropped from the blonde's eyes. "I'll always be here for you," the blonde said fiercely.

The blonde held onto him for long minutes until he had finally recovered his composure. Marissa watched as Freddie looked up into Sam's face and saw his tears mirrored there. "Why are you crying, love," he asked her.

The blonde stared tenderly down at the brunette in her arms. "Because you are..." She pulled him closer. "I miss her too..."

The ache in Marissa's heart blossomed ten-fold. She knew she had to let go. She knew that she was the cause of all his pain, his agony.

And she knew that everything was going to be okay. Sam loved her Freddie with all her heart, and Freddie felt the same way about Sam. She had done everything in her power to make sure that Freddie grew up into a fine, young man. And now it was all up to Freddie to make his own life choices. He had already made a good one in choosing Sam to be his. With Sam by his side, Marissa felt confident that Freddie will have a great life.

She looked back over to the couple, and watched as they settled back into the bed. The early morning light had started to filter into the room, and she watched as fingers of light slowly danced across the room, until they finally stopped on the bed. She gasped as the light gently illuminated their faces, softening their features, erasing any grief that might have been there.

It was time.

She closed her eyes and pushed away the darkness that had been surrounding her. She felt the light slowly begin to envelop her, and she accepted it. If felt wonderful. She felt herself beginning to drift away, but she had one last thought. She looked back at the sleeping couple.

_Freddie. Sam. You have my blessing. And all my love._

She saw gentle smiles form on their lips and knew that she had been heard.

She closed her eyes for the last time. The light was here. She was finally here. Sleeping in light.


End file.
